Gathering at the Red Door East in East Nashville were a bawdy assortment of virgins, visitors, and the Music City faithful. The weather was especially shitty – chilly and rain, probably somewhere in the teens (or at least that’s how it felt to the Southerners after weeks and weeks of warmer weather). Introductions were made, a warm-up song was sung (courtesy of Sad Her Ate Her via the Fat Humans Athletic Club United H3) and the pack were OFF.
Nearly immediately upon hitting the first check, a sign in chalk appears: “THERE WILL BE A TURKEY/EAGLE SPLIT”. Just because you forgot it in circle, Tampon, doesn’t mean you can leave it for us on trail and not expect an accusation.
The bag wagon was waiting around the corner and Cum Scout diligently tried to catch the hare but he eluded everyone (probably by hiding in a dumpster).
The first beer stop featured a gloriously scenic view of an old property marker, some industrial areas, and a railroad track. WHICH WAY IS ON-ON? Of course it’s on the tracks. And of course there’s a train actively using the tracks, which held the pack up a good while. (Fortunately, it was also enough time to release the end result of sacred nectar in the woods.)
After crawling up a hill filled with glass and tires, we emerged into a hilly subdivision and zig zagged around and around until reaching the second beer stop. We were treated, again, to industrial views and a slight drizzle. The hare was off again and we came around the corner to –
Yet another fucking train! This one was stopped on the tracks. Waiting for confirmation of direction – and receiving it from FRBs – we mounted the train and continued on. Upon reaching the third beer stop, we were all soggy wet and well lubricated.
On-in was held at Sexual Healing and Tampon’s house; circle was performed inside; much pizza was eaten; many Ubers were taken. WE SAW TWO THIRD NIPPLES, Y’ALL – a great showing by visitor and virgin alike.
